its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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