All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
