What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
