Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i came on her dog
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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