he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
