remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
