May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
