I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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