Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
