11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Randomize
