Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
