You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize