my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
