We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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