thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize