I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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