My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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