peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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