david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
