You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
