Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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