it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
