I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
