You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
