Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
