Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
