she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
