I skipped work to stalk him.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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