please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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