lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
