fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
