Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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