I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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