And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My breasts were aching with rage.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
