i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
