im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This baby is an asshole
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
