dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
