ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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