Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
