I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
