I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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