can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
