Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
