Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
