he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is the high leading the old right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
