I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
