Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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