My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize