Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
