So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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