So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
