i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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