I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
is that a dick in a sweater?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
