for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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