Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
