he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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