apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
