question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So vagazzling was a success
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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