I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
where are my eyebrows?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
