you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
