Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
