I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
