He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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