This is not my ceiling
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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