so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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